Hello lovelies!
I just finished edits on
Longing! And as a treat to you, I'm revealing the entire first chapter for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
~~~~~*~~~~~
Chapter
One
People
in love make me sick.
Not
just people in love, but the general idea of love and all it entails
for the mortals who decide to get married. All the frilly dresses,
all the red roses, and all the I's dotted with tiny hearts? They can
all go to hell.
I've
purposely been avoiding eye contact with Sonya and Rodney ever since
we walked into David's Bridal. They've been making googly eyes from
the minute they picked me up. As they nuzzle their noses together and
kiss sweetly on the lips, I have to turn away to squelch the nausea.
God, they're perfect for each other. So perfect it’s
disgusting.
“Can
you believe we're getting married in five months?” Sonya says.
I'm
sure she's talking to Rodney, but I can't
help myself from butting in. “I wish it were sooner so you could
stop the countdown.”
“You
do realize I'd just start counting how many days we've been married
instead.”
I
bury my face in my hands. “It's only gonna get worse and worse.”
Sonya
sighs heavily and peels my hands away from my face. Her
chocolate-brown eyes peer into mine as she raises her eyebrows at me.
“You never used to be this averse to lovey dovey stuff a couple
months ago.”
“Don't,”
I warn her.
She
ignores me. “In fact, you've been a changed woman since a certain
one-night stand with a gentleman—”
“I
wouldn't call him a gentleman.”
“—you've
decided should remain nameless.”
I
shudder at the thought of speaking his name again. It brings back too
many memories of our night together. Our glorious night together...
“I'm not averse to it. I just...become physically ill at the
thought of it.”
She
picks a dress off the rack, glancing at it. “Like I said, you never
used to be like that. You may not have enjoyed it, but you weren't
this disgusted with love.” She holds the dress up to herself. “What
do you think, Rod?”
“It's
nice,” he says as he touches the dress, then her chin. “I like
you in lace.” Rodney gives her the
I'm-imagining-myself-peeling-this-dress-off-you-already look.
I
throw my hands in the air and start walking away. “That's it. I'm
leaving before you climb under one of those puffy skirts and do
inappropriate public displays of affection.” Not only that, but all
this white is starting to get to me. As if any of the women in this
store right now are pure. Especially me. It's almost like holy water
for the eyes, burning through my retinas.
“Allegra,
get back over here,” Sonya calls. “You need to help me narrow it
down.”
I
turn around to face her. “Then pick out some damn dresses to try on
and I'll tell you which ones make you look fat.”
She
rolls her eyes. “Stop pretending to act like such a bitch.
You're not mad at me, you're mad about him.”
“Not
listening.” I cover my ears. “Just try on the dresses.”
“Fine.”
At this point, she's piled three of them in Rodney's arms. She comes
over, spinning me and pushing me toward the bridesmaid dresses.
“You're going to try a few of these on for me today.”
I
groan loudly. “But I don't wanna,” I whine.
She
picks out a few different dresses—all in red, but different styles.
“Too bad. You have to because you're with us and we're your ride
home.”
“I
knew I should have driven myself,” I grumble as I take the dresses
from her. “Isn't red too sexy?”
“There's
no winning with you, is there?”
“I'm
not trying to be snarky. I thought the bride is supposed to outshine
her bridesmaids.”
She
shrugs. “I don't want my bridesmaids to look like they fell out of
a cotton candy machine...or the '80s.”
“Well,
at least there's a silver lining in all this,” I admit, admiring
the sheen of the fabric.
“What?
How about me getting married? I thought that was the silver
lining.”
“For
you, yes.” I smile.
She
grins. “Thank you.” She drags me over to the fitting rooms. “Come
on, Rodney. We're going to need your opinion, too.”
“Aren't
you worried about bad luck?” Rodney asks as he slowly follows us,
arms heavy with white poofiness.
“Not
with you,” she says, blowing him a kiss.
I
reluctantly step into one of the dressing rooms and put on the first
dress. If it weren't for the fact that it comes to my knees, the
plunging neckline would make it far sluttier. I look at the dress
from different angles in the mirror and make a face. There's
something not quite right...but what is it?
I
step out in the open and walk barefoot to the mirrors. “Hey, Sonya.
Can you tell me what it is about this dress that's weirding me out?”
She
comes out of her dressing room. “Why would it weird you—” She
stops dead. “Holy shit, Allegra.”
When
I get the full view of her dress, I gape at her. “Sonya, that
dress...”
She
bursts into the biggest smile. “I know.”
She's
tried the lace one on first. It's classy with a v-line, baring her
shoulders, the skirt pooling at her feet. Her dark brown hair falls
over her shoulders in waves, setting off her beauty even more.
Gathering the skirt of the dress, she climbs onto the platform in
front of the mirrors. She reaches out for my hand and pulls me up
next to her. I look at the two of us in the mirror. We look amazing.
No, amazing is an understatement. We look astounding.
“Oh
my God...” Sonya squeezes my hand, biting her lip as she turns to
me. “I can't keep looking, otherwise I'm gonna just start crying.”
“You're
supposed to save that for your wedding night.”
She
smacks my arm, but laughs. “Stop it.” She turns to Rodney. “What
do you think?”
He
stares up at her from his chair, blue eyes sparkling. “I'm
speechless, babe. Just speechless.”
She
beams and bites her lip again. “Not gonna cry, not gonna cry,”
she repeats while blinking her eyes. She heaves a heavy sigh, and
then looks down at the dress I'm wearing. “Again, Allegra, holy
shit.”
I
glance down at it. “Isn't there something weird about it?”
“What
the hell is weird about it? You look...wow.”
“It's
not too sexy for a bridesmaid?”
She
shakes her head. “God, I wish he could see you in this,” she
mumbles.
I
glare at her. “What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
“You're
bringing him up again.”
She
lets go of my hand and puts her hand on her hip. “Oh, come on,
Allegra! Can you blame me? I want to see you happy.”
“I
know, but he—”
“Makes
you happy.” She narrows her eyes at me when I shoot her a look.
“You've lost weight since you came back.”
My
nostrils flare and I point a finger at her. “You take that back.”
Rodney
stands, coming over to us. “I thought women liked to hear that.”
Sonya
leans on Rodney, running her fingers through his short black hair.
“Not Allegra. When she loses weight, it's a telltale sign.”
“Of
what?” he asks.
“That
she's in love,” she answers.
“I
am not in love,” I snap. “And I didn't lose weight.” I
look at myself in the mirror again. Have I lost weight? I peek
at the tag and my eyes widen. “Oh my God, I did lose weight.
You purposely picked one size smaller!”
She
laughs. “I had a point to make! You gotta admit, it was ingenious.”
She puts her hand gently on my arm. “You like him.”
“I
barely know the man.” I'm clearly incapable of making a good
argument based on how I sputter the words out.
“You
guys had sex four and a half times in one night. I'm pretty sure you
know him.”
“Four
and a half times?” Rodney asks loudly, his voice echoing in the
small room, eyes widening like saucers.
I
smack his arm and shush him. “Keep it down.”
He
turns to me with a quizzical expression. “Wait a second. How do you
have sex half a time?”
I
shrug. “It's complicated.”
Sonya
butts in. “They almost had sex in the elevator.”
“Oh
geez, Sonya.” He claps his hands over his ears, scrunching his eyes
shut. “I don't need to hear about Allegra's sex life.” His phone
rings and he drops his hands to pull the phone out of his pocket. He
glances at the screen. “I gotta take this. It's the office.”
“The
TV show?” I ask.
He
ignores me, shaking his head. “I'll be right back, babe.” He
gives Sonya a quick kiss on the cheek before opening his phone and
walking off.
“Does
the office call him on weekends often?” I ask when Rodney's out of
earshot.
“Sometimes.
Don't change the subject. Why couldn't you have just exchanged
numbers? I'm not going to let you stand there pretending you didn't
feel something from that night because you obviously did. You
clearly—”
“What?
I clearly liked him? Yes, I did. I liked Devlin.” It annoys me how
true it is. It annoys me even more that Sonya got me to admit it out
loud for the first time. I don't know why I thought I could fool my
best friend. “But we wouldn't have worked out. He made it clear
where he stands.” Part of me wishes I did have his number, but the
rest of me knows he's not husband material. He made it clear he isn't
ready for a committed relationship, and that's what I'm looking for.
“That
doesn't matter. Something changed in you since then, and you're
trying to fight it. Maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't fight
it.”
“He
could have tried contacting me, too.” In fact, it would've been
pretty fucking easy for him. If he were interested, he would've made
the effort. But he didn't. “It's like the book says: he's just not
that into me.”
“He
was. Based on what you told me, I don't see how he couldn't
be.”
“Then
why didn't he try?”
“Probably
because you ran out on him and he figured you'd kick his ass if he
did.”
“Point
taken.” I close my eyes and shake my head. “I'm not going to open
my heart up to something like love again unless I know the other
person reciprocates. It hurts too much if I do.” I press my lips
together and give her a sidelong glance.
Her
face softens and she takes my hand in both of hers. “Well, you've
gotta do something. Reach out for other possibilities. You can't stay
hung up on Devlin forever. You might as well move on.”
Even
the idea of that kind of hurts, but I’ll never own up to it. It's
hard to ignore feelings as powerful as the ones I felt for Devlin. I
used to be more open to those kinds of emotions. I believed in them,
believed in love. Now the feelings scare me to the point where I'm
not willing to let anyone in for fear of losing again. Especially
Devlin. It doesn't matter what I felt or could be inclined to feel
eventually, he isn't ready for commitment. I won't let my heart be
crushed. Not again. Never again. Soon there will be no love left in
me to give, and I won't believe anyone who truly does love me.
“Hey,”
she says, touching the side of my face. “Don't drown in your
sorrows all over again. You've come so far; don't go back to that
place.”
I
let out a long breath. “You're right. About that and moving
on.” I smooth the skirt down. “Who knows? Maybe I'll meet my
dashing prince tomorrow.”
“That's
the spirit!” She gives me a high five. “Now, let's finish trying
these dresses on.”
~~~~~*~~~~~
It's been two months since Allegra walked out of Devlin's hotel room. Well, two months and five days, but she's not counting. She needs to move on, but before she can, Devlin shows up again...as her new coworker.
Seeing him at work every day is enough to make her lose her mind. Allegra tries to stay away from Devlin, knowing the effect he has on her, but she can't. The more she's around him, the more she's tempted to have something more with him. After everything that's happened in the past, it's a slippery slope that may land her in a place she never wants to revisit. Something is happening to her heart, though. A longing is building up that isn't one-sided...and doesn't feel temporary.
He wants her. She wants a forever. Is it possible to have it all?
